 Dear Subscriber, Standing on the thresholdAt the end of a year we invariably find ourselves looking back to everything that happened, and more often than not, what didn’t happen! We tend to focus on everything we didn’t do, often forgetting why we never got round to doing them, and end up feeling disappointed an depressed about it. What happened to all the New Year’s Resolutions, not the silly ones, but the ones you really wanted to get to this year? The important ones like spending more time with the kids, or your spouse, making an effort with those special occasions, losing some weight, eating healthier and exercising regularly… If we aren’t careful, we end up dwelling in cesspool of our so-called failures and end up in the darkness of despair. Don’t let that happen to you. An open doorway…Visualise yourself standing in a doorway, on the threshold of entering a new season. When you go into a building or room, you invariably focus on what lies ahead, particularly if it is the first time you’ve seen it. I don’t think any of us would walk into the Louvre, the Empire State or even the Union Building and focus on the street behind us, or how we had gotten there while standing in the front door. No, we would probably wipe our feet on the doormat and, while looking around to absorb as much of this new experience as possible, walk into the room without giving a second thought to what’s behind us. True, we probably wouldn’t just confidently run in and take over, there would be some apprehension, perhaps awe, but definitely we would want to explore and experience the unknown. So, why not do that as we approach the new year? It’s just like a doorway into the future, unfamiliar, exciting and unknown. It lies ahead of us beckoning us to enter, as if we have a choice… But in reality we do, not that we can avoid entering the new year, but with what attitude we will enter it. Whether we will focus on the past, and what that gave or withheld from us, or whether we will look to the future for what it may hold, expecting good things to happen. Why not make a conscious decision to use this month as your doorway to the future, wipe your feet on the disappointments of the past and leave them behind in the dirt beneath your feet! Recalibration may be requiredI would like give some pointers on how to recalibrate yourself for the new season that I got from others, so this is not my own wisdom, merely a collection of what I have read and heard about the subject. I trust that they will also help you prepare for the future. Remember last time we said let’s Acknowledge that we can’t let things carry on the same as in the past, be Convinced that we must change, Commit to making that change, knowing that it will require effort and time. - Set aside some time for yourself to think – this is not selfish (as we may think) but essential for a healthy self image.
- Consider the different roles you have in life – husband, father, son (or wife, mother, daughter), friend, provider, supporter, manager, entrepreneur, leader, etc. in the different facets of your life; personal, business, social, religious, etc. Look at each of them, and write down “I am ….. (a father)” and “I want … (a meaningful relationship with my son and daughter). Work through each role, linking the “I am” to the “I want”.
- Go back through the list, and think about what will be required to get the “I wants” e.g. To get the “meaningful relationship with my son” may mean “Attend his cricket games on Saturdays” and with my daughter may mean “Take her out on a date so she can see how she should be treated”.
- Remember, there may be more than one requirement we identify for each “I want”, be sure to identify as many of them as possible. Also, to get the “I want” you may not need to fulfil all the things you identified as required. It may be that they are incremental. Whatever the case, you will know what is needed in your case.
- Work through your list, and identify possible conflicts. For example, attending your son’s cricket games on Saturday may conflict with your regular golf game, which is a requirement for an “I want to keep fit & healthy” to be the husband and father I want to be. So what now? Well, see if you can’t change your tee off time, perhaps a 6:00 will work out better. Or play 9 instead of 18. Whatever, but try to resolve the conflicts proactively.
- Work out a daily, weekly and monthly schedule for yourself, incorporating the requirements you identified. That will make it much easier to say “Sorry, I already have an appointment this evening” when the guys invite you out for a drink after work, and you have a regular appointment with your daughter at the ballet lesson on Tuesdays. You won’t need to feel guilty about either. In fact, if the guys do get together regularly, work that into your schedule too. If your wife knows you’ll be out on Thursday evenings until 9, that will be more OK than hearing on Thursday afternoon that you’ll be “out” for the evening.
Doing it this way will help you prioritise your schedule according to the various roles and most important relationships within each role. Perhaps you will be able to work out that seeing your mom or dad once a month with a phone call in-between is fine to keep the relationship going – it may not be required to spend time with them every week. We all have the same amount of time available to us – don’t think that your situation is unique, that the rest of us are bored stiff wondering what to do with our excess time. No, as Scott Peck says, “Life is hard”, and we have to make an effort to organise ourselves to make sure we get the most out of it. It doesn’t come easy, and we don’t always get it right every time. Doing this exercise will bring light to what otherwise looks like a dark mess. Celebrate the lightWith Christmas we can celebrate the victory of light over darkness and, in fact for many of us, we celebrate the coming of The Light, Jesus Christ, to the world to overcome the darkness and give mankind everlasting Hope. If you celebrate Christmas, do so with enthusiasm and passion. Don’t relegate the message of Christ’s coming to somewhere in a church, but take it home and share it with everyone around you. The essence of Christmas is Emmanuel, God with us! If you don’t, use the season of goodwill to celebrate your family and the values you hold dear. Spend time together and build at the relationships that are important to you. Please travel safely, and remember, don’t forget your responsibility to yourself. You need time for you. Update your ProfileTo ensure you get all the latest iFIND news and freebies delivered first to your e-mail, mobile phone and even your post box, click here to update your profile now. Until next time, I hope you enjoy all the benefits of being listed on iFIND 34600. Kind Regards, Tertius Bester Please Note: Feel free to send me comments about the newsletter, its contents, what you would like to hear, costs of advertising, etc. by email to comments@34600.co.za. You can also send us the details of a friend or colleague who is not yet on iFIND by email to info@34600.co.za. We will then contact them so that they can also benefit from the thousands of people looking for products and services on iFIND daily. FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO A COLLEAGUE >> The views expressed in this E-Newsletter are not necessarily that of the owners, publishers, and editorial staff. Readers following any advice contained in the E-Newsletter do so at their own cognisance. Featured Advertiser Profile Breaking News Business Ferrari goes green From horsepower to battery power, Ferrari is joining the growing ranks of green carmakers by launching its first hybrid vehicle at the end of 2012. Spanish flu threatens banks As unemployment soars, financial institutions face rising bad debt and the need for a European Union rescue. Election epic offers test for European incumbents Europe is braced for an election bonanza this that will determine the politics of the increasingly contested campaign to save the single currency. Featured Product | 
